I spent the better part of thursday morning at children's with Benny, his Aunt Steph and his cousin whom he affectionately calls Kitten. Physically, the little monster is absolutely fine, but the reason we all got up at the ungodly hour of 5am and made the 2 hr trek to Wexford was simple..he needed to be seen to determine if our suspicions of him having autism were true before school started. School starts, rather inconveniently, on the 25 and the first available appointment was the 13...at 8:30 in the morning.
When we got to the building (which, is, unfortunately, rather crappily marked) we were LOST. Fortunately, it showed on our faces and a kind gentleman directed us to the correct office where we were relieved to find that yes, we had an appointment there. We met with a very kind psychologist..Benny was not amused with her at first. Hey, he was exhausted, hungry and she was a stranger.This kid is terrified of strangers. His immediate reaction to her was to shut down completely causing her to do my interview and give me some paperwork while she ATTEMPTED to get him to play with her. Um, yeah..not happening. He FREAKED. Wisely, she decided to give us a break while she scored my paperwork and while she was gone, Aunt Steph tried to calm him down..yeah, wasn't happening either. Fortunately, Kitten woke up at the right time and snapped him out of it. By the time the dr came back, he was his usual, adorable, overly concerned with Kitten's well being self. She made herself friendly with Kitten and he decided that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't out to eat him, so he decided to play with her..as long as Kitten and Aunt Steph were nearby and he was allowed to check on Kitten whenever he felt like. I have never relaxed so quickly as i did when he started to play with the dr because i NEEDED that diagnosis and i knew we weren't going to get it the way the morning started.
Long story short, we walked out of the office with a preliminary diagnosis of mild autism with adhd and a recommendation for him to start first grade. The full report won't be ready until school starts, but that little paragraph on a piece of paper is enough to get things started for him and that makes me happy. He's basically a mild, high functioning Aspie with sensory processing disorder and adhd. i am thrilled to finally have my suspicions confirmed and now we can move on and help him be successful.
Now, about the title of this post "please don't tell me you're sorry". When i tell people that he's autistic, the first thing i hear is "i'm so sorry". THERE IS NOTHING TO BE SORRY ABOUT. he has autism, not cancer. He learns differently and has some trouble understanding things and expressing himself. Big deal. He's alive and it won't take much to help him succeed. Kids with autism are a lot of work, but i'm already 6 years into this..i know he's a lot of work. cute, but a lot of work. Kids with autism don't need your pity, neither do their parents. What kids with autism need is a lot of unconditional love and understanding. They need patience and a hand to hold. Their parents need understanding friends because being the friend of an autism parent isn't easy. We CRAVE grownup time without kids, but we're usually too exhausted to do anything about it. We run on caffiene and alcohol...energy to face the day and something to take the edge off of yet another day of being the only one who understands our kids. Our lives are vastly different than parents of normal kids..we can't just get a sitter..i literally have 3 people i can leave him with because he's hard to handle and he has trust issues, so most of the time, it's just easier to stay home. We need friends who understand the difference between a normal kid throwing a temper tantrum and an autistic kid having a meltdown because i assure you, they are NOT the same thing. I have NO patience for tantrums, but a meltdown has to run its course. He's not ill behaved..ask anyone who knows me, i run a tight ship..behavior standards are the same for everyone..HIGH. He has a hard time when he gets overwhelmed and he melts down..watch him in action and you'll see..its not the same as a tantrum. Most folks don't understand this. Life as a puzzle piece family is interesting, at times, crazy difficult, but its also a lot of fun. Most of the autistic kiddos I know are so full of love and they WANT to please..they just have a hard time figuring out how to do it. I'm not asking for you to feel sorry for me when i tell you he's autistic, i'm explaining to you why he's acting in a way that to you doesn't seem normal.
As of Thursday, August 13, we joined the global puzzle piece family. Its a family I am proud of. I've known in my heart for a while that we were going to be a part of it, but I had to have it on paper. Its not just my journey now..its my husband's, our older kids, our siblings and their families, my parents and my huge, crazy, loving extended family's journey now too. As they all come to terms with this whole puzzle thing, give them a hug, buy them a drink, but please..don't tell them you're sorry.
