Peace found

I took a weekend road trip with my best friend this weekend. Well, actually it was 24 blissful hours away from the hubby and kids. We went to southern ohio to meet up with a gentleman and his daughter to adopt their hermit crabs. Yep, hermit crabs. Looks like we're getting into the rescue end of owning crabbies, but that's another story..maybe i'll get to it later today, maybe i'll save it for another day.

Anyways, we needed this. I've been making changes in my life since my little "mental health slip up" and part of these changes has included doing things that people don't necessarily think I can do. This road trip was part of it. It was 3 hrs one way to SE OH and then another 3 hrs (ish) up to NE OH. Why the hell did we go to NE OH? Pretty simple. I have an old friend who lives there. An old friend who I desperately needed to clear the air with. See, this old friend is the same friend i posted about the last time i posted and things were getting mean between us. They swear things weren't, but i assure you, they were bad and i almost walked away. I didn't want to..it would've killed me, so..i gave them one last chance to hear me out and to talk. As luck would have it, they had worked the night before, spent all day with their significant other and forgot i was coming into town..more correctly, they had their head up their ass for a week and didn't think i'd actually do it. I ALMOST  didn't call them to let them know I had landed safely and was splurging on a fairly pricey hotel room (totally worth it btw) for the night, but another dear friend kinda made me do it and i am so grateful they did.

I wanted to see them, but like i said, they were exhausted and snippy, so i settled for a phone call and text messages while i was relaxing in the hotel room. I laughed, i got mad, i got frustrated, i apologized for some things, told them i owe them a bigger apology for a couple things (i feel very strongly that i need to do this) but that would have to be on a private phone call (best friend was with me) or better yet, face to face, but i laid my cards out on the table and I found PEACE. No matter how crazy we drive each other, no matter how mad i make them or vice versa, i am now content with the knowledge that we're not going anywhere, no matter what the other thinks. I needed that. I needed to know that they still cared, i mean, i knew it, but i needed to hear it from them. See, I've got most of my life wrapped up with this person and yes, we missed a few years because, well, life happened, but i treasure our friendship, they are like a sibling to me..lord knows we fight like siblings. I couldn't just walk away, no matter how much very well meaning people tried to get me to. I love them. They irritate me, annoy the crap out of me, they inspire me, they teach me (whether or not they realize it..i do get the hints most of the time) and most importantly, they make me want to be a better version of myself..for my husband, my kids and me. I've made some pretty dramatic life changes in the last few weeks and its because of their encouragement..both direct and indirect. I want to keep moving forward and make them proud.

We will never see eye to eye on a lot of things and that's ok, because it makes things fun and interesting. I don't want them to change for me and i refuse to change my heart for them, becoming better doesn't mean i won't still be my goofy, loveable, slightly bitchy self..it means i want to make better use of who i am, this gift i was given. We love other football teams and hate each others teams with an unholy passion. I love their dog (they don't understand this, but he's the most awesome thing on 4 feet and i can't help it, i'm an animal lover), i drive them crazy.

I'm proud of them and the life changes that they've made over the last couple years. Especially the ones they're making now. I know how their story ends..well, i hope i got it right when i wrote it down. (another long story) if i'm right, they're gonna owe me big time! There's magic here..a magic that gave me back a love i had forgotten, magic that reminded me of my true self (someone i had lost and missed terribly) and magic that is giving me the courage to move forward when i want to curl up in a ball and hide.

The moral of this story? Sometimes, you have to take crazy risks, do stupid things and when you know in your heart that something, someONE is worth fighting for, no matter what others say, you have to to just do it..go with your heart and fight for it or them. I took the risk, I fought the battle..the war isn't over yet, but i'm in this for the long haul. I fought for the ability to find the peace I desperately needed with this person and I found it. You never know until you try!